


He hit me (And it felt like a kiss)

by kyo1



Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Abusive Relationship, Harley Keener has issues, Harley Keener is an ass, Hurt Peter Parker, M/M, Manipulation, Manipulation Victim, Peter Parker - Freeform, Peter Parker Deserves Better, Peter Parker Has Issues, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Sad Peter Parker, Toxic Point Of View, Toxic Relationship, abuse victim, mentions of abuse, peter parker pov, tw abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:07:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27551263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyo1/pseuds/kyo1
Summary: He’s not a monster. And that’s what hurts.Everyone says abusers are loveless monster. They are monsters, but that doesn’t mean they can’t love. He still holds Peter and kisses him. He still caresses his cheeks. He still lays with him at night.OrPeter is an abusive relationship, this is his POV
Relationships: Peter Parker - Relationship, Peter Parker/Harley Keener
Comments: 13
Kudos: 45





	He hit me (And it felt like a kiss)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Baby, you're dangerous (I'm loving it)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27588728) by [StuckInALoop](https://archiveofourown.org/users/StuckInALoop/pseuds/StuckInALoop). 



> Tw for abuse. Anyways, i hope y’all enjoy!
> 
> So guys , someone else had this extremely similar idea/concept as this work. they’ve been working at it longer than i have. since they haven’t posted it yet , i’ll post a link to their account so you can check out their works for now ! . When they eventually post the work i’ll link it here as well. They deserve the credit !! <3
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/users/HoneyAnMilk/pseuds/HoneyAnMilk
> 
> pls tell me if the link works , idk how to do that lmao. If the link doesn’t work , they’re username is HoneyAnMilk

He’s not a monster. And that’s what hurts. 

Every blow is followed by a kiss stitching the cuts back together. Every slap is followed by a bouquet of roses. Every insult is followed by an “i love you” 

At first he thought he was going crazy. That he imagining all the hurt and the pain. Because every single inhale of pain was followed by a exhale of relief knowing that man still loved him. 

And maybe it’s not the same way as before. Maybe they don’t go out to any diners and laugh about silly work drama. Maybe he doesn’t come back with a coffee in his hand and a smile etched on his lips. Maybe...maybe the love is different. But it’s love, and for now that’s enough. 

Everyone says abusers are loveless monster. They are monsters, but that doesn’t mean they can’t love. He still holds Peter and kisses him. He still caresses his cheeks. He still lays with him at night. 

He still loves. But he also hurts. 

And sometimes, he can forget the hurt when he holds him while he cries. He can forget the pain when he’s watching a movie with him. 

It’s an endless cycle. 

Apology after apology. A constant reminder that there’s something wrong with they way they love each other. A reminder that love isn’t filled with ice packs and turtle necks. 

Love isn’t supposed to hurt this way. 

It’s all he’s known. 

And maybe there’s a chance he will stop hurting Peter. Maybe he’ll put the drink down and fight for their love. But, Peter decides, maybe his hand is too heavy, too hard to let go of the cup. Maybe, he doesn’t want to let go of the bottle. 

Hurt people hurt people. 

He hurts, so he hurts.

It’s scary, but not as scary as Peter thought. The flinches are there, of course they are, but suppressing them is as easy as letting the forgiveness slide past his lips. 

He doesn’t know where it started. He didn’t realize all the red flags that were right in front of him. He never realized the hand that once played with his hair had started to pull. 

And maybe if he were brave enough he could pack his bags and leave a note on the fridge of his departure. Or maybe he can call up a friend and crash on their couch until he can get back on his feet. Or... he could stay. 

Maybe Peter can love him enough to start loving him back. Maybe Peter can fix him. 

But this isn’t fixable, Peter concludes. This is a chain reaction of little things that kept getting blown over. This isn’t a silent kiss filled apology and we are perfect. No. There’s no way to make this better. 

He misses the old them. When cloudy days were filled with warm weather and movies and not bruises lingering on his skin and words that go deeper beneath the surface on his cheeks. 

It’s not hard to expect it now. It’s not hard to know the signs of imploding anger that results in a punch. 

He doesn’t know when it got so easy to tell. So easy to lie. So easy to dismiss. Sometimes...sometimes he wishes it weren’t so easy. 

He wonders if he will ever be whole. If he can ever shut out the words and he able to hold himself upright without bleeding all over. He hopes that one day he will walk without the constant limp (metaphorically, yet sometimes physically) . 

Peter wonders if it will take him to stop loving the man, for him to love himself. 

Maybe if he’d stop bleeding, he can regain the color to his eyes. He can be alive once more. 

But he knows part of him died when he laid beaten on the now blood stained carpet. He died, and that part is lost.

So, he will never be whole. Not without that piece, and not without his lover. 

It’s okay. He’ll be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Lmao pleaseeeee comment suggestions, i’m running out of ideas omg :O


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